Monkey See Monkey Do
by memyselfandi89
Summary: Sheppard has a little fun teaching Ronon some earth fighting moves. More specifically he teaches him “The Way of the Chicken”. Oh, and don’t forget about the video cameras!
1. The Way of the Chicken

Monkey See Monkey Do

_Summary: Sheppard has a little fun teaching Ronon some earth fighting moves; more specifically he teaches him "The Way of the Chicken" and don't forget about the video cameras!_

_A/N: Okay I'm supposed to be working on a sequel to my other story "A Reason" but I got a wee bit sidetracked and this came out instead. Oops. This has three parts and it is complete so no worries about waiting forever._

_Disclaimer: To my eternal dismay I don't own Stargate: Atlantis, Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex, or John Sheppard (WHAAHAAA!!) or much of anything else for that matter, not even my dog.

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Chapter 1: The Way of the Chicken

"No really," insisted Sheppard "You put your fist right here in your armpit and strike down!"

"You're kidding." Ronon replied deadpanned. As usual.

Sheppard and Ronon had been sparring each other in the gym when Sheppard offered to teach Ronon a few of Earth's ancient fighting styles. Ronon had replied that he'd fought the marines enough to figure out the earthlings' style and he wasn't very impressed with it. Sheppard had offered him his trademark grin and said that he'd only been fighting marines trained in basic arts not the old ways. That had intrigued Ronon enough to agree to the Colonel teaching him the first steps of the ancient form of "El Chickeno", part of an ancient discipline, the members of which had revered the fierce chicken and sought to incorporate its ways into every aspect of their lives; which lead to their current situation.

"What do you mean 'I'm kidding'?" Sheppard scowled "I'm dead serious. This is a very revered and disciplined art and if you can't respect that then I'm not gonna bother teaching you. It's clear you don't deserve this honor." With that he grabbed his bag and began walking out of the gym.

"Wait." Called Ronon, Sheppard stopped and turned back. The Satedan took the time to stare hard at the Colonel. He truly seemed offended and didn't look to be hiding anything. "Okay, show me that again."

Sheppard continued staring at him for a few more seconds, seemingly satisfied with what he saw he dropped his bag back on the bench and walked onto the mats. "Alright," he said "I'll teach you but you've got to promise not to question this okay? It's just the way it's done. Questions may be asked after the lesson but never during."

With a shrug the big man agreed. "Sure."

"Great!" said Sheppard, grin firmly back in place. "Now what you do is you take your right arm, fold it over so that the fist is placed firmly in your armpit, do the same with your left, and strike downwards. Like this." He put actions to his words and created a 'chicken wing' and struck downwards. "Alright now you show me."

Ronon, still feeling a bit dubious about this copied the motion cautiously.

Sheppard scowled at him. "No, no, no. You have to commit. Here let's do this. I'll get my video camera and record you so you can see what you look like and then we'll go from there." Ronon shrugged and grunted. "I'll take that as a yes." Muttered Sheppard "I'll just go get my camera then and be right back. I want you to practice that while I'm gone."

"Okay." Mumbled the Satedan, he looked around making sure he was really alone then he repeated 'the chicken wing' with a bit more gusto. With a grunt he decided it may have its merits even if they weren't immediately obvious to him. After all, much of his training had made no since when he'd first started it but now he could see its purpose. Maybe it was the same with this "Way of the Chicken". He repeated the move a few more times, each time increasing in his enthusiasm and force.

Sheppard showed up again with his video camera just in time to see Ronon do the most powerful 'chicken wing' yet; complete with roar.

"Good!" the Colonel called "You're getting better already. I'll just set this up over here and get some vid of you then we'll review it and be done for the day. Sound good?"

Ronon shrugged "Yeah, sure."

"Okay, go!" Ronon formed 'the chicken wing' and struck downward with everything he had several times. He was truly starting to feel it!

"Alright I got it." Said Sheppard "C'mere and I'll show you what you look like." Ronon ambled over to the Colonel tossing his dreadlocks out of his face to see better. As he watched the smaller version of himself on the screen he grunted in satisfaction. He looked pretty good. Very powerful.

Sheppard shut off the camera and turned to his student. "Okay, any questions?"

"Yeah, one." Said Ronon "What's the point of that move?"

Sheppard gave a serene smile and answered in a mysterious tone "The answer to that lies inside you. Go meditate on this and all will be revealed." That said the Colonel turned, grabbed his gym bag and walked out the room to shower. Ronon stared after him for a few minutes pondering what he'd told him then with a shrug sauntered off to get cleaned up then maybe he'd get some supper with Teyla.

For his part as soon as Sheppard was safely in his room a wicked gleam crept into his eyes as he ejected the tape and held it up to the light. "Ah, my precioussss." He whispered, grinning like the cat that ate the canary and didn't get caught. Reaching up he tapped his earpiece "Rodney you there?"

McKay's voice came back almost instantly "Yes, Colonel, did you get it!?"

Fingering the tape Sheppard answered "Oh, I got it alright."

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_Hehehe you like? _


	2. The Mighty Chicken Man

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed (and those who didn't). Here's the next chapter.

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Chapter 2: The Mighty Chicken Man

"Hurry up Rodney!" hissed Sheppard.

"Oh will you relax." Grumbled McKay "It's not like he's got the slightest clue about what's going on so chill."

"Yeah, well, hurry up anyway."

"Fine." They fell silent; the only sound was the clacking of the keyboard as the scientist manipulated the video tape on the computer. Several minutes later he announced triumphantly "Ah-ha! There you go, all done." He crowed, smug smile firmly in place.

Sheppard grinned in anticipation "Let's see it then." He smirked, all but rubbing his hands together in evil glee. Rodney hit the play button and an image of Ronon doing 'the chicken wing' popped up on the screen. Rodney watched him with a proud smile. Sure it was amusing the first time he'd seen it but now, with it zoomed, enhanced, being played in slowmo, and complete with subtitles that read "Fear me! I am The Mighty Chicken Man!" it was absolutely priceless.

Both Sheppard and Rodney collapsed in helpless laughter as they watched it. "Oh god," gasped the Colonel "that turned out better then I ever hoped!"

Rodney scowled at him "Of course it did. It's not like someone of your limited intelligence could possibly comprehend the way a genius such as myself can take something as simple as video feed – rather poorly done by the way, do you have rheumatism or something? – and turn it into a masterpiece such as this."

"Yeah sure, whatever Rodney" Sheppard drawled "Just send it will you?"

Grinning so widely it was a wonder his face didn't split in two Rodney said "Sending this wonderful little bundle of joy to _everyone_ in Atlantis in T-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…now!"

With that final send off Dr. Meredith Rodney McKay clicked the button that would send the fateful document to every last person on the lost city of Atlantis.

Staring at the screen for a few seconds Sheppard gave a resigned sigh and turned to look at his partner in crime. "Enjoy the last few days of your life Rodney. As soon as Ronon finds out what we did we are so dead."

"Yeah well it's gonna take awhile for him to figure it out and when he does he's only gonna kill you because you're the one who recorded it and there's nothing to implicate me."

"We're sending this from _your_ email address McKay." The Colonel reminded him.

"Oh…right." Said Rodney looking worried for a moment before shrugging it off "It's not like anyone is gonna just walk up to him and say 'hey did you see that video of you making a complete fool out of yourself?' I mean, come on, who would be stupid enough to let him know about it and plus it's not like anybody's gonna forward it to him either -which is the only way he'd be able to trace it back to me - because that wou…" Rodney suddenly froze with a look of absolute horror on his face. "Oh no."

"'Oh no' what?" asked Sheppard with a look on his face that said he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

Rodney didn't answer him immediately as he quickly pulled up something on his computer. He fell back into his chair blanching whiter than a ghost. "We are way beyond screwed."

"What!?" asked Sheppard beginning to get annoyed at the lack of response.

"We sent it to Ronon." Rodney answered tonelessly.

Sheppard froze for a full minute before croaking out a strangled "What?"

"That email" said McKay pointing to the computer screen "was sent to one Specialist Ronon Dex."

The Colonel dragged his gaze from McKay to the laptop sitting on the desk. "Please tell me this is your idea of a cruel joke?"

"I wish it was." The scientist suddenly sat up in a panic "Now he's gonna know who helped you do it!! He's gonna KILL ME!! This is all _your_ fault Colonel! I plead innocent! He can't kill me this expedition needs my experience and-"

"Will you relax McKay?" snapped Sheppard not sounding at all relaxed himself. "We'll figure something out."

"Like WHAT!!?" shrieked Rodney.

Sheppard thought for a minute "Umm… maybe we should tell Beckett to have a medical team standing by."

Rodney groaned and dropped his head into his hands. "We're doomed." He moaned.

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Ronon walked into his room feeling pretty good. He'd just had two trays of food and managed to snag the last cup of Jell-O from one of the marines. Now he was going to sit back, relax and play that new game Sheppard had introduced him to; Halo.

He booted up his laptop and saw that he had a new email. Deciding Halo could wait a few minutes he opened it up and downloaded the attachment. Once it flashed that the file was ready he hit the play button.

When he saw exactly what it was that had been sent out he growled. The growl that said someone is going to die and he was going to enjoy it immensely. Quickly checking to see who had sent it he discovered it had been McKay.

So McKay and Sheppard thought they could pull one over on him did they? HA! They'd pay for this. Although he had to give Sheppard credit, he was a heck of a good actor when he wanted to be.

He was still gonna kill him though.

With a smirk he stalked out his door, Halo abandoned for the moment, he was a man on a mission. He hoped Sheppard and McKay hadn't made any plans for the future because they would be regrettably unable to keep them.

TBC

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_Will Sheppard and McKay survive? Tune in next time to find out (but don't hold your breath)._


	3. Gotta Go Right Now

_Here's the last chapter. Enjoy.

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Chapter 3: Gotta Go Gotta Go Right Now

It didn't take Ronon long, stalking through Atlantis like he was hunting wraith again, to find Sheppard and McKay, who, upon seeing the furious Satedan, turned and ran for their very lives.

There were no witnesses to the actual event but several marines and science personnel would later testify that Ronon was walking through the halls with a bounce in his step; something that was distinctly lacking in Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay who stumbled down the hallway to the infirmary several minutes after Dex passed by.

"Okay," slurred Sheppard courtesy of a fat lip "that could have been worse."

McKay squinted at him through his black eye "Oh? How so?"

"Well, he could have broken something." The Colonel offered.

"Oh, well that makes me feel so much better." Rodney said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'll keep that in mind the next time something explodes in the lab because I couldn't see straight out of my eye so my incredibly complex equations weren't entered right!"

"Will you relax?" drawled Sheppard "I have an idea."

"And that's supposed to help me relax?" snipped McKay.

Sheppard shot him a glare "Do you want to go through this again tomorrow or not?"

McKay, who'd had his mouth open in preparation of a snide remark, suddenly snapped it shut so fast his teeth clicked together. "What do you have in mind?"

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Ronon was in the gym again beating the crap out of the punching bag pretending it was Sheppard and McKay. They hadn't gotten nearly what they'd deserved for that stunt. Though McKay did have a pretty nice shiner; it brought out his blue eyes. Ronon smirked then gave the bag another jab pretending it was the scientists other eye.

Movement from the gym door caught his attention. He decided the poor innocent bag deserved a break so he stopped pummeling it long enough to turn towards the door. What he saw was a white sock and an arm that looked like Sheppard's waving it.

"If you think giving me a sock is gonna keep you safe you're crazy." Ronon growled.

"Uh, no." Sheppard's head popped around the door to join his arm. "Look we've got a plan, just hear us out and promise not to kill us."

"Us?" the Satedan asked.

"Yeah, Rodney's here too."

"Oh sure go ahead and tell him I'm here! It's not like I value my life or anything." came McKay's whiney voice from somewhere in the hallway.

"Oh shut up." Said Sheppard then turning to Ronon said "Okay look, we can help with the whole humiliation thing but you've got to promise not to beat us up anymore okay?" Sheppard gave him a hopeful look.

Ronon narrowed his eyes at him. "What do you have in mind?"

Sheppard held up a finger "First, you have to promise not to beat us up again."

Ronon stared hard at him for a full two minutes then said "If it works I promise not to beat you up again."

"Well I suppose that'll have to do." Sheppard sighed. "Okay here's the plan." Several minutes later Ronon's skeptical look had been replaced with one of gleeful and evil anticipation.

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Several hours later Sheppard and Ronon stood on the east pier watching as the new marines disembarked. Sheppard rolled his eyes and gave them the standard boring 'Welcome to Atlantis please enjoy your stay and don't get blown up, life sucked, or otherwise irreparably marred during your stay here, thank you' then ordered them to the gym for an 'assessment of their fighting ability with Ronon Dex'.

McKay was waiting there with a video camera and Sheppard explained that they would be taped and he would review the tapes later to get a better feel for their abilities so he could place them in the area they were best suited for.

The marines quickly fell into place on the mat and Ronon began the arduous task of teaching them "The Way of the Tarig". He said they would only cover the opening move because the form was incredibly intricate and they had to get the motion down perfectly before they could move on but he only had 15 minutes then he had to leave so they should practice it in their spare time.

The opening move consisted of stepping with the left leg in front of the right and crouching down with their legs still crossed and striking down with their left hand palm down and braced by the right hand.

Ronon had them practice that for anther ten minutes all of which was recorded by McKay (who had to hide behind the camera to keep his smile from being seen).

Ronon dismissed the marines who then wandered off to various parts of the city to get themselves oriented – oh and of course they wanted to make a good impression on their new CO so they dutifully practiced their new alien moves on occasion. They were completely unaware of the soldier, scientist, and Satedan who followed them around with video cameras.

That night the three partners in crime met in McKay's lab and put together their video clips and set them to the tune of that annoying commercial song "Gotta go gotta go gotta go right now! Gotta go gotta go gotta go!" Not even Ronon could hold back his hysterical laughter.

"So," gasped Sheppard "does this mean you won't beat the crap outta us again?"

With a grin Ronon said "Yup."

"Oh thank god!" breathed McKay "I'm gonna live!"

The next morning the new marines woke to find the new video of themselves with their legs crossed looking like that had to go to the bathroom in the worst way and hopping around to the tune of "Gotta Go Right Now". Absolutely mortified, most of them returned to their quarters and didn't come out until it was time for the Daedalus to make its return trip to earth.

The entire base was so caught up in the newest video that they completely forgot about "The Mighty Chicken Man".

Now placated, Ronon kept his promise and left Sheppard and McKay alone much to the relief of the medical staff.

If only he knew.

The next data burst back to the SGC contained and email from Lt. Colonel John Sheppard to one General Jack O'Neill. That email, with the subject line of 'Monkey See Monkey Do', contained two video attachments, one labeled 'Gotta go!' and the other "The Mighty Chicken Man'. Also in this email was the suggestion that passing it on to, oh, everyone he knew, would brighten their days considerably.

Ronon never knew about all the people he provided great amusement for. However, they will absolutely _never_ forget about him.

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_Well that's it. What did you think? Like, hate, think I should be thrown in the loony bin? Let me know!_


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